Sexual Assault of Men and Boys

Sexual assault can happen to anyone, no matter the age, sexual orientation, or gender identity. Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted or abused may have many of the same feelings and reactions as other victims of sexual assault, but they may also face some additional challenges because of social attitudes and stereotypes about men and masculinity.

Common reactions

Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted may experience the same effects of sexual assault as other victims, and they may face other challenges.
 
Some men who have survived sexual assault as adults feel shame or self-doubt, believing that they should have been „strong enough“ to fight off the perpetrator. Many men who experienced an erection or ejaculation during the assault may be confused. These normal physiological responses do not in any way imply that you wanted  or enjoyed the assault.
 

Men who were sexually abused as boys or teens may also respond differently than men who were sexually assaulted as adults. The following list includes some of the common experiences shared by men and boys who have survived sexual assault. It is not a complete list, but it may help you to know that other people are having similar experiences:

• anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, flashbacks recalling the trauma, and eating disorders;
• avoiding people or places that remind of the assault or abuse;
• concerns about sexual orientation;
• fear of the future and of something bad happening;
• feeling like „less of a man“ or that you no longer have control over your own body;
• feeling on-edge, being unable to relax, and having difficulty sleeping;
• sense of blame or shame over not being able to stop the assault or abuse, especially if it led to erection or ejaculation;
• withdrawal from relationships or friendships, an increased sense of isolation;
• worry about disclosing for fear of judgment or disbelief.

Who are the perpetrators of sexual assault against men and boys?

Perpetrators can have any gender identity, sexual orientation, or age, and they can have any relationship with the victim. Like all perpetrators, they might use physical force or psychological and emotional coercion tactics.

Can being assaulted affect sexual orientation?

Sexual assault is in no way related to the sexual orientation of the perpetrator or the victim, and a person’s sexual orientation cannot be caused by sexual abuse or assault. Some men and boys have questions about their sexuality after surviving an assault or abuse - and that’s understandable. This can be especially true if you experienced an erection or ejaculation during the assault. Physiological responses like an erection are involuntary, meaning you have no control over them.
 
Sometimes, perpetrators, especially adults who sexually abuse boys, will use these physiological responses to maintain secrecy by using phrases such as, „You know you liked it“. If you have been sexually abused or assaulted, it is not your fault. In no way does an erection invite unwanted sexual activity, and ejaculation in no way condones an assault.

How to support male victims

It can be hard to tell someone that you have experienced sexual assault or abuse. You may fear that you will face judgment or not be believed. For many male victims, stereotypes about masculinity can also make it hard to disclose violence. Moreover, men and boys may also face challenges believing that it is possible for them to be victims of sexual violence, especially if it is perpetrated by a woman.
 
Below are a few suggestions on how you can support a man or boy who discloses to you that he has experienced sexual assault or abuse.

Listen. Many people in crisis feel as though no one understands them and that they are not taken seriously. Show them they matter by giving your undivided attention. It is hard for many victims to disclose assault or abuse, especially if they fear not being believed, because of stereotypes about masculinity.
 
Validate their feelings. Avoid making overly positive statements like „It will get better“ or trying to manage their emotions, like „You will snap out of it“ or „You shouldn’t feel so bad“. Make statements like „I believe you“ or „That sounds like a really hard thing to go through“.
 
Express concern. Tell them in a direct way that you care about them by saying something like „I care about you“ or „I am here for you“.
 
Do not ask about details of the assault. Even if you are curious about what happened and feel that you want to fully understand it, avoid asking for details of how the assault occurred. However, if a victim  chooses to share those details with you, try your best to listen in a supportive and non-judgmental way.

If you want to talk about sexual violence with a professional ready to help, send an email to: help@asistentavictime.ro