If You Suspect A Child Is Being Harmed

If you are concerned that a child is a victim of abuse, you may not be sure what to do or how to respond. Child sexual abuse is a crime that often goes undetected. No matter what your role is - parent or other family member, coach, teacher, religious leader, babysitter - you have the power to make a positive difference in this child’s life.

1. Recognize the signs

The signs of abuse aren’t always obvious, and learning the warning signs of child sexual abuse could be life saving. 

• Behavioral signs: Shrinking away from or seeming threatened by physical contact, regressive behaviors like thumb sucking, changing hygiene routines such as refusing to bathe or bathing excessively, age-inappropriate sexual behaviors, sleep disturbances, or nightmares.
• Physical signs: Bruising or swelling near the genital area, blood on sheets or undergarments, or broken bones. In only 5% of cases such physical signs are visible.
• Verbal cues: Using words or phrases that are „too adult“ for their age, unexplained silence, or suddenly being less talkative.

2. Talk to the child

If you are concerned about abuse, talk to the child. A meta-analysis of the literature shows that disclosure is favored by six key elements:

• access to a trusted person;
• the awareness that what he suffered is not normal;
• inability to manage emotional stress;
• the will for someone to stop the aggressor;
• the assumption that someone will believe him or her;
• to have been asked.

• Pick your time and place carefully. Choose a space where the child is comfortable or ask them where they’d like to talk. Avoid talking in front of someone who may be causing the harm.
• Be aware of your tone. If you start the conversation in a serious tone, you may scare the child, and they may be more likely to give you the answers they think you want to hear - rather than the truth. Try to make the conversation more casual. A non-threatening tone will help put the child at ease and ultimately provide you with more accurate information to be able to take the case to the judicial authorities. Do not question the information received and do not explore more than the child is ready to tell you. You need to be aware that any time you ask about the abuse, memories can be altered by the way you ask or react to the answers you receive.
• Listen and follow up. Allow the child to talk freely. Wait for them to pause, and then follow up on points that made you feel concerned.
• Avoid judgment and blame. Avoid placing blame by using „I“ questions and statements. Rather than beginning your conversation by saying, „You said something that made me worry…“, consider starting your conversation with the word „I“. For example: „I am concerned because I heard you say that you are not allowed to sleep in your bed by yourself“.
• Reassure the child. Make sure that the child knows that they are not in trouble. Let them know you are simply asking questions because you are concerned about them.
• Be patient. Remember that this conversation may be very frightening for the child. Many perpetrators make threats about what will happen if someone finds out about the abuse. They may tell a child that they will be put into foster care or threaten them or their loved ones with physical violence.

3. Report it

Reporting a crime like sexual abuse may not be easy, and it can be emotionally draining. Keep in mind that reporting abuse gives you the chance to protect someone who can’t protect themselves. Regardless of where you live, you are legally obligated to report suspicions of abuse. 

Before you report

• Tell the child that you’re going to talk to someone who can help. Be clear that you are not asking their permission. 
The child may not want you to report and may be frightened, especially if the perpetrator has threatened them or their loved ones. Remember that by reporting, you are involving authorities who will be able to keep the child safe.
• Ensure that the child is in a safe place. If you have concerns over the child’s safety, be sure to discuss them explicitly with authorities when you make the report. If you fear that the perpetrator will cause further harm to the child upon learning about the investigation, clearly communicate this to authorities.
• If you are not concerned that the parents are causing harm, you can consult with them prior to making a report to authorities.
• If you are a parent and are concerned that your partner or someone in your family may be hurting your child, this may be a very difficult time. It’s important to be there for your child, and it’s also important to take care of yourself. 
• Prepare your thoughts. You will likely be asked identifying information about the child, the nature of the abuse, and your relationship with the child. While anonymous tips are always an option, identified reporting increases the likelihood of prosecuting the perpetrator.

Where to report

If you know or suspect that a child has been sexually assaulted or abused you can report these crimes to the proper authorities, such as Child Protective Services, Police or Prosecutor's Office.

After you report

• You may not hear or see signs of an investigation right away. 
• If you are able to, continue to play the supportive role you always have in that child’s life. If making the report means that you can’t have this relationship anymore, know that by reporting you are helping that child stay safe.
• Take care of yourself. Reporting sexual abuse isn’t easy. It’s important to practice self-care during this time.

If you want to talk about sexual violence with a professional ready to help, send an email to: help@asistentavictime.ro